lover + wife + mama

Refreshing 

My whole heart, mind, body and spirit need refreshing. I feel it down deep that I need to start breathing in some newness. It’s been over a year now since I expierened the loss of a dear friend. I was committed to seeing perfect healing manifest in her life but it just didn’t happen here on earth. She is perfect now and with Jesus so duh! That’s great….. But for those of us left behind the ache is deep. The ache is daily. The questioning haunts me. The second guessing. The fear. The anxiety. The vulnerability. Yeah all that good stuff still lingers heavy with me. I feel the need to get away. To change up my senery. To do something drastic just to shake it off. Grief is weird and I have no idea what “works” but so far it seems like my best bet! But who knows?!


This statement is currently running through my head daily. Did I not really believe?!? Cause frick!!!!!! It sure felt like I did!! And then I get a moment of clarity and I know that I did. I know that I do! I do believe and I will see so much goodness ahead. I will be strong again but for right now I will just hold on. 

Xo!

S
 

I swear I can be happy…

So yesterday I was a total downer. I’m sorry. But it was so real. I literally wanted to just throw in the towel and run away! Buuuut His mercies are new every morning!!

We looked for funny shapes in the clouds, read books, and talked about our favorite part of the day! It was so sweet and I’m actually looking forward to tomorrow! 
Now please everyone please just stay asleep until 7:00am! #fingerscrossed 
Xo!

S

I’m sinking like a stone in the sea…

Of bad attitudes. Mine included. 


Having kids is so freaking hard. You wanna know why?! Because you can’t control them!!! They are real people with real feelings, opinions, and attitudes. 

When people make statements that kids are a product of their environment or that kids are a reflection of the way they’re parented it has currently been making my skin crawl and heart race with anxiety. I instantly feel sized up and like a failure  because though I’m freaking busting my ass in this parenting game at times it truly does appear as though my children are raised by wolves! They are so ridiculously strong willed that at 3 and 4 years old they will say no to me without even batting an eye and continue on with whatever they are doing. I try and be a calm cool and collected mom and it gets me nowhere. I try and be a yes mom and it only ends up driving me insane. I try being very strict and they aren’t phased. At times I even go insane and behave like a foolish child myself and raise my voice and shout out threats that I may or may not follow through with and again they could care less. It’s truly mind blowing at times. I’m currently in a moment or week or month or year… Who knows… of total weakness. I feel like I couldn’t be more under this whole motherhood thing. I am without a doubt failing. I’m out of energy and ideas. 

I just wrote all of that to just get it off my chest. I’m not seeking advice. I don’t even know if anyone out there is reading this. But whatever. I said it.
Maybe I’ll start doing a daily wrap up of how things are panning out over here. If I try new stuff- what works what doesn’t. Hopefully small victories and an entirely new season shortly! 
Sooooo… Until next time I’ll just be here trying to hang on. 

😩😜😆

Xo!

S 

Lessons along the way 

We are still pretty new to the whole three kids thing so we are kinda just winging it over here. A little of this a little of that and a whole lotta trial by fire! Luckily River is a suuuuper easy going babe so he’s up for giving us space to practice. 


What we’ve learned so far though is that our big kids need to be separated from time to time and have some one on one time with us. Even if Riv tags along they feel special! So we’ve had to be very purposeful in sneaking little dates here and there! So far daddy is winning at the whole date thing because when they go with him they get a slurpee and it’s like all their wildest dreams are coming true! Hahhaha it’s cool though…. I’m only slightly jealous! But whatever! He’s cute! I wanna date him too! 


A few weekends ago I tucked River away in my sling and walked hand in hand along the beach with my number one girl. I could tell she felt special and that means the world to me! It’s amazing to hear her heart unfold when she’s given a little bit of time to just talk. No one to interrupt or steal my attention. Just us. Plus we had gelato- she had rasberry and I had coffee! 

Once we got home and reunited with the rest of our crew it was so sweet! I could tell that Lou’s heart was more tender and she was less firey and I could tell I was way more patient with her! 

In the past I’ve been quick to want to separate myself from my kids when they are “misbehaving” but what God is so graciously teaching me is that in those moments I need to lean into it all the more! When Jeremy and I are having a hard time with one another it’s typically directly related to not having enough time to connect. The same is true with your kids! I’m guilty of thinking I spend all day with them so I’m good! But the trick is deeply connecting in a purposeful and meaningful way. Reading their favorite book, saying yes to wearing a princess dress to the park, making them their favorite snack and sitting down with them to enjoy it. Kids are a lot of work but when we love them well in turn they love us well. Learning together and growing in love takes so much intentionality but the pay off in the day to day as well as the long run is priceless! 

So cheers to watching those bright eyes light up! Cheers to our babes learning their worth because of our words AND actions! Cheers to not missing this tender teachable age! Cheers cheers cheers!! You mamas and papas are getting it done and it shows! 

Xo!

S

here we go!

I’ve decided to take my mom’s advice and write down our journey. She’s always told me that thing you’d think you’d never forget tend to fade with time. I’ve only been on this mama journey about 5 years and sadly I’m learning that she’s so right!


My desire is to cultivate a space that documents real life- the ups and the downs. My personal philosophy is to communicate the pain and frustration but to never dwell on it. I believe in seeking beauty in all things and choosing joy even when it’s hard! I fail all the time but every morning I wake up with a clean slate thanks to a gracious God! My hope is that you would journey with us and be uplifted and encouraged by our process! 2015 was the hardest year of my life and now that we are about half way through 2016 I finally feel ready to navigate through the pain and find the promises! 

So here we go again! Let’s do this whole blogging thing! I feel ready and excited!

Xo!

S

What we wore //

On River- Moccs: Freshly Picked // Tee: Chasing Windmills // Diaper Cover: Little Arrows 

On Me- Shoes, Hat & Sunnies: Urban Outfitters // Dress: Target